Being Able to Argue

One of my biggest challenges when interacting with friends, employees, partners and so on, is the art of arguing. Arguing has such a negative appeal, that most of us stay away from it. Afraid to have those hard discussions, take the arguing personally, and afraid of what might happen to disagree with someone.

how to argueOne of my friends who I’ve known for the better part of a decade, we have never been able to argue with each other. We always bring up hurtful stabs at each other that have nothing to do with the discussion aka “the argument” and we end up not talking for long periods of times. Yet when we are face-to-face we have zero interactions about that are hurtful towards each other.

The thing is, we will always as human never 100% agree with one person all the time. We all have different perspectives on life, and on how things should be done. The key to maintain a successful relationship is not attacking someone’s character, but discuss what actions have been done to cause the problem. And the key for the one who is being told this is not to take it as a personal attack on them. Think about it this way, if someone who you didn’t care for much upset you, would you even take the time to talk to him or her about this? Or would you just carry on? So the fact that someone brings this matter to you, means they care for you and they are trying to improve their relationship with you. (Or they can just be a dick but I digress) but for the sake of this post I’m assuming their problem(s) is genuine and they want to see growth in their relationship with you.

As humans we are always making mistakes, the human is not a perfect creature, we make mistakes, we do the wrong things, we say the wrong things, and we mess up. So when this happens it not always about being right, or justifying your actions. It’s about understanding how your actions affect others, and working together for improvement.   These principles apply to debates on politics, policies, and so on. You have to be open minded when talking to others, and can’t be certain about anything that is not factual, and aren’t most facts just perspectives? “Certainty is closing of the mind” when you are 100% certain of anything you no longer listen, and folks who are close minded can’t be reasoned with. Which is a shame, because close minded people are usually extreme in their ways and beliefs.   These folks you are better off just walking away from instead of engaging since they will not listen, and more than likely if you don’t agree with them, they will probably end up hating you for your oppositions to them. So keep away from a lose/lose scenario like this.

Have any questions?  What are your thoughts about arguing? Please contact me or start a discussion below.  I’m sure others are thinking the same as you, but are waiting on YOU to start the discussion.   

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