It was Friday night. I’m driving to pick up my date for the night and I just began bawling my eyes out as I was on the phone with Frank. I was overwhelmed with emotion thinking how Frank had done more for my uncle than I’d done in my 40 years. My emotions were running high for four reasons.
First: Thinking about how someone like Frank who has no ties or even knew Todd (my uncle) was able to get so much done for him. Frank was able to secure stable housing in Akron for him, as well as set him up with daily meals. To top it off, every couple of weeks he goes down there to talk to him, and give him a roll of quarters for laundry.
That kind of caring you don’t see anymore (at least I haven’t). Think about it. How often have you helped someone like this? Frank is the life partner of one of my mom’s best friends and one of her former work colleagues. I was floored by the effort he gave my uncle. It was selfless. He didn’t want anything in return from Todd or the residence.
Second: I was disappointed in myself for not doing anything when I had the chance and means for Todd or my father’s other brother, Brad, while he was alive. To be honest, I felt like a piece of shit. Keep in mind, I’m very hard on myself. So when I reflect on things I could have done when I had the chance but did nothing, I beat myself up pretty well about it.
Third: I was so thankful for the parents I was blessed to be born to. As I saw my uncle for the second time ever, he looked just like my dad. It dawned on me how my father is part of the 1% to get out of poverty. My dad’s family didn’t even have a car until he was 18 and never took a vacation until my dad moved out and was in college.
My grandfather worked hard, but as my dad says “He never did anything with it. He would work twice as hard as I [my dad] did”, and my father is the hardest worker I have ever seen. My grandfather helped get his older brother, my great-uncle, get a law degree and become something with his life. My great-uncle never repaid the favor when he could.
Fourth: Knowing how hard my dad worked to provide such a great life for me and my sister, and for me to essentially fuck everything up by believing and trusting others really hit hard on Friday. Not so much that I lost millions, money can be made again and again, but that I was unable to help and support my family like I want to. That is what hurt.
If you saw the title of this blog “I want to help others get the most out of life”, I wrote that down on a piece of paper Friday night after my date while again I was full of tears. At that point, I felt like I hit rock bottom. I put myself in a position where I was unable to help others and I didn’t like that.
Growing up, and even to this day, I have taken for granted things that probably 90% of this world hasn’t experienced. Things like traveling, college, luxuries and so much more. Knowing what I know now about how short this life is, I want to help family and friends to be able to have some of these experiences I have had. More specifically I want to make sure my family can enjoy experiences like I have and more.
What has changed?
For starters, I’m making more of an effort to be involved with the rest of my family. My mother was never really a fan of my dad’s brothers. She has her reasons, and I let her bias affect my feelings toward them. I didn’t get the same feelings she did, but it’s not like she’s right and I am wrong. She has had different experiences than I have with my dad’s brothers, and she probably isn’t sharing everything with me. I try my best to only judge folks on the experiences I have had with them and not hearsay.
Todd wanted to get a reading chair but as he said, “finding chairs is easy but getting them back here is hard.” This is where I can help. I have a large truck that can easily haul a chair!
I was telling my mom and sister about meeting Todd. My sister has never met him but feels like me about wanting to help. So she was able to donate a chair and coffee table to him. Even my mom (like I said, not the biggest fan) had a rocking chair, as well as a box full of kitchen supplies for him.
My sister and I also are looking into getting minor-league baseball tickets. Frank, Todd, my dad, and my sister all love baseball so it seems like a good outing for them. I am not the biggest baseball fan, but I am a fan of spending time with family.
While you can’t change the past, you can change the direction you head in the future. This simple encounter made me want to get involved. My passion and effort got my sister and even my mother to want to get more involved in helping.
One act of kindness can be multiplied that easily. If any of you feel like you are just one person, with limited means and/or access, don’t let that discourage you. Just start doing something and watch as it is multiplied.
My plans don’t stop here. I’m hoping to take my uncle to some BBQs, and dinners, and maybe even on some trips. It’s never too late to start doing the right thing. Just like what Ted Lasso said, “Doing the Right Thing Is Never the Wrong Thing”.
